Leaving Utah

Oh by the way, Merry Christmas to everyone! I hope your guys' was all as perfectly splendid as mine was! I just love Christmas! The love, the family, the happiness, the giving and getting! Ah, how wondrous!

Anyway, I'm leaving Utah tomorrow to go up to Washington! For, well, an unspecified amount of time. I think this will be another big step in my life. I'm really glad I'm going and I know that this is the right thing to do and the thing that will be best for me right now, I just don't know what will happen. :)

I think life is pretty dang grand you know?! I mean I have family that obviously loves me enough to take me in for who knows how long, I have family that supports me in all my decisions, I have absolutely wonderful friends who care deeply about me and what happens to me, I have a basic-if very rough- outline of what I'd like to do with my life. Life is good. :) Life is happy.

I love you all!

2008 Questionaire

The (hopefully) final questionaire of 2008. I just thought it'd be kind of fun to fill one out, I haven't done this for a long time! But it'll be good (and of course I have to because I got tagged. :) ) So, here goes!

1. What time did you get up this morning? 8:15
2. Watches or Rings? If I had to choose between the two it'd be rings
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?? Um...I think it was Twilight
4. What is your favorite TV show? The Office
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Fruit or I just don't eat it...I know I should, I just generally don't
6. What is your nick name? Bonzabee, Bonnie Belle, Bonita
7. What food do you dislike? Not a big fan of onions, or anchovies. I don't like Avacados but for some reason I'm okay with Guacamole
8. What is your favorite CD at the moment? A CD called Punk goes the 80's by punk'd
9. What kind of car do you drive? Ha...I don't have a car...want one though
10. Favorite sandwich? A Grilled Chicken Sandwhich...gotta love it
11. What characteristic do you despise? I'm with Jossi on the constant negativity, and I don't like people who are full of themselves and think the world revolves around them
12. Favorite item of clothing? My comfy shades (which is a type of shirt by the way)
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would it be? England, Hawaii, Alaska, someplace like that
14. Are you an organized person? I am when I'm on my own, but throw another person in the mix and I lose it a little
15. Where would you retire to? Washington...if I'm not already living there
16. What was one of your most memorable birthdays? 16 was a very memorable year for me, but I have lots to come
17. What are you going to do when you finish this? Probably attempt to clean my room
18. Furthest place you are sending this? Well, right now she's in Utah but normally she lives in Washington, so Washington...
20. When is your birthday? September 27th
21. Morning person or a night person?? Generally a night person
22. What is your shoe size?? 9.5
24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?? Well, I'm moving this Saturday
25. What did you want to be when you were little? A hairstylist, and an interior designer
26. How are you today? Crazily tired, and feeling bad that so many things went wrong at work
27. What is your favorite flower? Lilacs, I love lilacs
28. What are you listening to right know? The background music to K-19 the Widowmaker
29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?? Christmas!
30. What was the last thing you ate? Well, I snuck a fry and a pickle at work, but before that a wonderful breakfast at IHOP
31. Do you wish on stars??? I do indeed
32. If you were a crayon, what color would you be??? Gonna say purple
33. How is the weather right now?? Snowy :) Beautifully snowy
34. Last person you spoke to on the phone?? My sister Val, she gave me a ride home :)
35. Favorite soft drink? Apple Beer
36. Favorite restaurant? IHOP
37. Hair color? Brownish with redish streaks
38. Favorite toy as a child? I really loved this kitchen set I got one year for Christmas
39. Summer or Winter?? Of the two Winter, but I adore Fall
40. Chocolate or Vanilla?? Chocolate all the way
41. Coffee or tea? Hot Chocolate :)
42. Do you want your friends to reply to this? Yes
43. When was the last time you cried? I can't remember, I was probably tired, or angry, or sad...
44. What is under your bed? Another bed- with my sister who sleeps on that
45. What did you do last night? I went to a crazy fun work Christmas party that Bryn planned- it was a blast! GO BRYN!
46. What are you afraid of?? The biggest one is someone I love dying, and not knowing what I should do in life or in a situation in general
47. Salty or sweet? Salty
48. How many keys on your key ring? 5
49. How many years at your current job? About one and a month
50. Favorite day of the week? Probably Saturday
51. Do you make friends easily? I'd say so
52. Who do you want to tag? Val and Steph, though I certainly understand if you don't have time :)



Ah, I'd forgotten how much fun it is to answer spontaneous questions that mean little. Good times :)

A milestone in my life!

I can't technically say that I've graduated (as Jaren reminded me last night at work everytime I exclaimed "I'm graduated!") because I won't graduate until I walk in May and get my diploma, but I am done with high school. Forever and ever I am done! A major milestone in my life is gone and over, I can hardly believe it.

Yesterday was my last day and it was our schools annual Day of Service. We got out early, but even so I was just wandering in the halls for the last hour of school- checking in my calculus book, saying goodbye to teachers and friends, and getting whitewashed. (It would seem that some of my friends are less thrilled than I am about me leaving and they showed me their displeasure in the form of picking me up and throwing me in the snow...no worries, I fought back. All three of them were as soaked as I by the time it was done.) It was crazy--I am so happy! So glad to be done! And yet there are a few people I'll miss, a few zany things about my school that I'm sure I'll look back on with fond memories (not sure what any of them are yet, but I'm sure there's some...)

I was really touched by how many people were sad to see me go. My friends all formed together and lifted me up and paraded me up and down the halls, then they threw candy at me and we did a big group hug. All of them seemed so sad- I never would have actually thought they cared that much. I mean it's not like I was that active in school this year, I just was waiting for it to finish!

Anyway, it is all over now! I never have to go back if I don't want to, and it feels grand! I just kind of thought it would be fun to do a now and then picture. So, I'm going to, because I can. The first picture is me as a freshman, the second me as a senior. I can't actually tell ALL that much difference. In fact as I was browsing my pictures I found several more pictures that were taken in my junior year of high school that I like more, and I liked how I looked more in those but I couldn't post those because that would be cheating. I still think my senior picture is marvelous. I didn't have that many pictures taken this year so far, but then again this year hasn't been that long (school years wise) so I haven't has as many chances. Sometime soon I plan on having actual senior pictures taken, and then I'll upload those. It'll be fun.









This is me, a freshman in high school- taken in November (this picture was taken by a real professional, so that basically translates down into I never really looked this good. :) )

And this is me, a senior in high school--also taken in November by my wonderful sister Steph, and of course my dog Belle is there, she's a beauty isn't she?

So yeah, that's me. And I'm changed forever! That song from Wicked pops into my mind now- the "I have been changed for good" one. Life will never be the same. And I'm so excited!

My final final!

Alright, so today at 1:14 p.m. I finished my final final for high school ever!

It was a calculus final, blegh, and NOT fun at all! But it is now over, for better or for worse it is now over and I'm fairly certain that I passed my calculus class (with an A is something I'm less sure about, but what can you do?)

Can I just say that it is such a relief to have that over with? Such a weight off my mind to know that that's done. I'm not graduated from high school yet- that happens on Thursday (and trust me, a blog will be forthcoming on that great day!) but to know that I'm so done with high school finals FORVER! Ah, it's great!

I mean, this Calculus final was a BEAST! There were dirivatives, and crazy things about L'hopitals Rule (He's some French guy...) and optimization, and a problem about Bonker Noselwang Brinkerheinz who was giving Marshall Dillon down in Dodge City a run for his money fighting crime so he locked them up in a cell. Unfortunately the people against the unethical treatment of good guys named Bonker Noselwang Brinkerheinz (or PATUTOGGNBNB for short) were very against this so he had to build this cell using only a certain amount of materials and yet still make it big enough--actually this was one of my favorite problems, even just reading it was so much fun! Dad sure does get creative. And Newtons Method and implicit differation...yeah. For all of you people who have no idea what this is, count your blessings. I wish I didn't know either. Haha- you shouldn't ever have to know how to divide by zero.

Anyway, I didn't really mean to get off on that tangent, it just kind of happened...I think it's a half a year of calculus all pent up inside, just waiting to get out! And now it can! I can forget everything I learned--trust me, when I get back from my vacation I plan on having a nice bonfire and burning all those math notes and english papers, and government and citizenship pages...well, maybe I'll do it before I leave.

Ah, sweet satisfaction. Such joy...

Family!!!

Alright, I know you all know, but family is so very astronomically important!

I have 8 older brothers and sisters, 3 brothers and 5 sisters. Of these for the past year I've kept in touch regularly with 7 of them. I have one older brother, the black sheep of the family if you will, that I hadn't talked to in a while. In fact no one in our family has--my sisters would try to call him and he wouldn't return the calls. After a while I think that pretty much everyone gave up to an extent.

Well, this last Tuesday I started texting his step-daughter, my niece, who I had a pretty good reputation with. Then I decided to try and give Ryan a call (which I had never actually tried) and see if he'd answer. Well, at first he didn't and I was a little disappointed, but not too suprised.

Then, on Thursday night he called me back! I was so excited!! He called and we talked for about 30 seconds but he was at work and I was cleaning so we informed each other that we had text and we started texting each other.

I was so happy to talk to him again! It feels like a small part of me that has been a little missing is back--it just feels right to have three brothers again when I know I was supposed to have three.

So we texted most of the night while we were at work, just talking about how life was going and catching up on things. He is in the army and he is going overseas soon, so he was especially glad that he got a chance to talk to me now, just in case things don't go well over there. (I definately hope they do! They should be alright!)

He learned that I would be in Washington, where he lives, around his birthday time and he got so excited! We made some tentative, maybe-ish, plans to see him (I still need to talk to you Val--I plan on calling you today) and he was just so happy.

It turns out that he was missing me, and family in general, as much-if not more- as I was missing him.

I look forward to talking to him some more and catching up on lost time! Especially before he leaves.

Christmas Favorites

5 Favorite Christmas Songs:

1) The Christmas Song
2) The Little Drummer Boy and Peace on Earth (The duet one with David Bowie and Bing Crosby)
3) Oh Holy Night
4) Walking in a Winter Wonderland
5) Angels we Have Heard on High

5 Favorite Christmas Movies:

1) Miracle on 34th Street
2) The Bishops' Wife
3) It's a Wonderful Life
4) Elf
5) Home Alone 2

5 Favorite Christmas treats:

1) Candy Canes
2) Fudge of any variety
3) Hot Chocolate
4) Gingerbread
5) Goldrush Brownies

5 Favorite Christmas memories:

1) Watching my sister wish a spider a very "Merry Christmas"
2) Laughing at my dad as he told us about the seam of his wrapped present that was hidden so well
3) Watching a Muppets Christmas Carol every Christmas Eve (we generally watch it one or two times beforehand too, but we try not to because it gets us too excited for Christmas! Honestly who wouldn't be excited after listening to "One more sleep 'till Christmas"?)
4) Always waking up to find an orange in the toe of my stocking
5) Waking up to my niece patiently tapping my nose. As she saw that I opened my eyes she said, "Merry Christmas Auntie Bonnie- now wake up! We need to get downstairs before Uncle Thom does, he said he'd steal my presents so I'm going to hide his" (Not that we did...but the thought was there)

5 People I tag:

Well, actually most of the people I would have tagged have already been tagged or tagged me, so I'll just tag two...

1) Steph
2) Val

The letter "I"

So, a couple of days ago on my keyboard at home there was something stuck underneath the letter "i". And because it was something fairly large (I think it was the tip of a colored pencil) I couldn't push the button far enough down for it to register that it should type and so I was i-less while trying to do my homework. And I had never really realized until that day how important this letter is in the English language. Already in this paragraph I've used 29 i's.

I was trying to write an e-mail to my sister and I had to compose an entire missive without i's (which, although quite challenging, was actually rather enjoyable, I suggest you try it sometime) and the whole time I was thinking to myself, "What is up with this? "I" just isn't that important. But it is.

Because I had somehow gotten onto this train of thought I started doing some research about i's, so you, poor poor reader, now get to learn everything that I learned about this letter. Although you probably already knew some of it. :)

~I is the 9th letter in the English alphabet

~The dot that is over the lower case i is called a tittle (the dot over the j is called a jot)

~Most often when i is written in code they use numbers to represent it instead of other letters or symbols as they do for other letters of the alphabet

~When people are playing word games or games with the alphabet the first words that generally come to their mind for i are ice cream and igloo (why do we associate cold things with i? that's just my question)

~Unless the alphabet game is animal-based and then the animal that people almost always choose is "iguana"

~I is the 5th most commonly used letter in the English alphabet (after e, t, a, and o)

Yeah, sorry I made you sit through that, but for some reason this last week 'i' has taken a special hold in my brain and I thought that if maybe I got it out, it would leave me alone. Let's hope it works. :)

I'm so glad I'm LDS!

On Thursday night I got a great chance to go to my friend- Tiffanys- Baptist Dinner Theater Play. It was a lovely play, really it was. Tiffany was the perfect Mary and her friend Nate made a great Joseph. There was so nice upbeat music, some nice slower music, and it really was a great rendition of the age-old Christmas story.

But it was missing that feeling. You know, the spirit just wasn't the same. I didn't really get goosebumps or get that warm and tickly feeling in my soul. I didn't actually get any feeling except for a "Hey, I kind of like this song"

And the way Baptists pray is so different. They pray like they would talk to a casual neighbor. I know that Heavenly Father is our father, but still I always try to make it something more sacred than casual, because prayer is something that is more sacred and not casual.

Don't get me wrong, all the Baptists that I know are really great people, and I'm glad I got to go--but this experience just made me realize by leaps and bounds how glad I am to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and how happy I am to have the truth.

The gospel really is like a happy pill, one that never goes away and never runs out and never changes. How lucky are we?

Changes

So...I'm leaving town soon (most of you who actually read this know that already)

I'm going up to Washington state, shortly after the wonderful Christmas season. So let me add another thing to that list of things and changes that December will bring about--a change of address.

It won't be for long, most likely just around a month but it will be nice. Very nice. No children (although I do love the little angels :) ) no job to have to worry about, just kind of lazing around for a month. Taking a vacation.

And yet I'm still a little scared. I don't know why, this isn't anything I haven't done before. I go up to Washington every year, and it's not as if I'm going to alone, I'm staying with my loving sister and her husband, but I'm still a little scared.

Maybe it's because for some reason this just seems so final. I know it's not, but it seems to be. That and I have absolutely no clue what I'll do afterwards. Of course I've been kind of playing it by ear since around September.

I find it a little ironic that my senior year was when my world fell apart around me. I used to have it so together--I had a nice little plan to last me for a while. I knew what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it, even where I wanted to do it and now? Yeah I have no idea.

Everything that seemed so certain, so black and white has turned to gray. What do you even do when you get to this point?

Well, I'm hoping that Washington will help me find my answer. I generally find that when I go up to Washington my head clears and things become simpler, I'm hoping for that!

I'll miss Utah though, some parts of it I will most definately miss.

But it's not forever!

Life changes so fast! So fast...

A month of change

Yeah, I was really trying to get this post up yesterday so it would be the whole month of change on the first of December and it would have been all cool and such...but yeah, yesterday didn't turn out quite the way I planned so now it's a month of change beginning the second...not as cool I know but what can you do?

This month I will:

~Graduate from high school (and I'm pretty sure that qualifies as a major step in most anyones life)

~Decide (fingers crossed) which college I'm going to, when, how I'm going to pay for it, and where I'll be living

~Probably leave and go up to Washington, at least for a little while if not for longer, and take a little vacation

~And of course I will celebrate Christmas with all the love and spirit that I know how too!

December is one of my favorite months of the year! It just seems the time for growth, love, and spiritual reboosts. Everyone is in a giving, sweet mood due to the holiday of love and giving and everyone has their thoughts turn to Christ more and more often.

It is the month of change, of fulfillment, and of perspective clearing and hope.

Really it's probably one of my most favorite months (I'm afraid it can't quite beat out some fall months because I just love those colors! All December has going for it in that perspective is snow, and really it hasn't even done that yet! What's it's problem?) and I love that this is the month that my life will change, to some degree, for forever.

Oh! I'm so excited!

And the other thing December has going for it is the Muppet Christmas Carol, I do love that movie! But I can't watch it in any other month besides December really because then I get far to excited for Christmas, but that movie is amazing! The songs, the words, the Muppets...

Happy December to all!

Shooting!

So, as a part of his true amazingness and dedication to my learning of outdoor things, my brother in law, Lance, brought up a bunch of his guns with him for Thanksgiving.

And on Thanksgiving I got to go shooting! Honest to goodness, just three or so hours shooting things--clay pigeons, paper targets, helium balloons, random shrubbery, and it was so much fun! There was a 30-30, a 22, a shotgun, a pistol, and I just had a blast!

There is something so satisfying about correctly aiming and shooting and actually hitting your target. Something so calming to know that if need ever came I could defend myself fairly accurately.

And it's nice to know that I have a brother-in-law who cares so much about my well-being. Who was willing to take the time out of his Thanksgiving to take me, and some others in my family, up to the mountains and teach us basic gun safefy, aiming, and shooting.

But enough about that- Thanksgiving is over and the Christmas season has finally begun! Now if only I could get some snow to prove my point...

And I have only 18 days left before I graduate school, I think I'm going to have a completel countdown going day by day here. It's odd how it can see so long and yet so short at the same time! On one side I look at it and say "Wow! 18 days! That's less than three weeks and my high school career is officially over and done!" but on the other hand being in the classes and going day by day 18 days is a century and a half.

Haha! I used to think I was so special, but I'm getting to know more and more people that graduated early. I mean heck, I'll be the third in my family to do so.

And I can't wait!

December is going to be an absolutely amazing month!

24 Days!

Really, this is amazing! Not only do I basically have the day off of school (meaning that I have school, and the teachers are toying with the idea of making us learn, but in the end they're not doing it because none of us are paying attention anyway) but we're having this huge Turkey lunch and my school, in an astonishing burst of charity, is giving us an hour for lunch! Well, technically it's 55 minutes, but then we have 5 minutes to get to class, so it's an hour. So classes are short, lunch is good, and it's my last day of school this week! (Not to mention that we got fresh cinamon rolls in seminary this morning.) Does life get better? I submit that it does not!

But that's not really what I wanted to talk about, that was more just a sidebar of excitement I had to throw in because I just found out about it and it's exciting!

What I really wanted to talk about is that there are only 24 days left in my life before I graduate high school. Before I'm done forever! And if we're going by actual days of school there are only 16!!! I am so excited! I can't wait to graduate, move on, go to college, grow up (to a certain extent anyway), and live life!

But at the same token I'm starting to feel some portions of that sadness--I look around at the people and things I'll be missing. I'll miss my English teachers little quirks, I'll miss Mr. Stohel's sarcastic comments (not that I won't get them at home). I'll miss my seminary class but most especially my seminary teacher.

I'm excited to move on, but I'm leaving so much behind. I mean, I'll come back and I'll visit every now and then and probably much sooner than I expect I won't miss any of it. I'll just be done and never really come back- it'll be a corner in my memory that was a good and fun part of my life, but definately over.

I'm just curious as to how soon that will come, because right now I'm starting to feel small pangs of sadness.

Not really, truly, deeply sad- but small pangs are definately there.

And yet I'm so excited to leave! I've been counting down since there were 42 school days and who knows how many actual days! I'm so excited to be done with the politics and some of the silly rules, and the dress code and the whole "young, immature, silly" air that people assume you have and are when you're a part of high school. I'm excited to being able to be taken more seriously and be more adultish.

Ah, I can't wait!

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is almost here and I am SO excited!!! In less than 5 days I will get together with around 15 members of my family and stuff myself until I feel bloated.

There's going to be games and fun and family and I just love this holiday so much!

I'm going to go up with my nieces and nephew and feed the ducks, I'll teach them how to draw a very, um, special looking bird while the food is cooking like my older sister did for me. I'll get to spend part of the day in the kitchen surrounded by warm, aromatic, smells and my loving sisters and mother.

And of course there is the fact that I get the day off of work which is always fun! :)

The first of my family coming from out of town arrived this morning, pulling into our driveway just as I was pulling out to go to school so unfortunately I couldn't stop and say hi. I couldn't give them hugs and love, but maybe I'll get out of school early so I can go home and spend time with them before I go to work.

I have another sister coming in tomorrow night as well. This means that out of my 8 older brothers and sisters and their respective families I will have 5 with me on Thanksgiving!

Oh I'm just so excited!

Really I don't understand why this holiday gets looked over so much, it's got just as much of a good feeling about it as Christmas. This holiday is surrounded by love, warmth, happiness and good- at least for me it is.

No school to worry about, no work to worry about, just me, my family, and the food. I guess the main thing to worry about is making sure I don't burn anything I'm assigned to make! :)

Ah, I know it's early, but a Happy Thanksgiving to all! I hope you all enjoy yours as much as I'm planning on enjoying mine!

Christmas Music

Now, I'm one of those people who feels very strongly that Thanksgiving gets a bum rap--being in between two such holidays as Halloween and Christmas it gets looked over quite often. And I think Thanksgiving is AMAZING! You get family, food, fun, games, time off of school and work, it's a pretty darn good time of the year!

And yet all too often you have Halloween, Halloween, Halloween and then boom! on November 1st it's all about Christmas, Christmas, Christmas. And one of the main ways that this takes place is in the form of Christmas music. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Christmas music, I listen to it in July but I just can't feel right listening to it during November- it almost feels like I'm breaking faith with Thanksgiving to listen to Christmas music until the Friday after Thanksgiving.

So because I am normally so anti-Christmas music until that Friday after Thanksgiving I find it hard to understand why I am having such a hard time staying away from it this year. All the other years of my life I could withstand and wait for the Christmas music but this year I just seem to be drawn to it for some reason. I haven't yet gotten to the point of actually listening to the CD's, but I pull them out and look and them longingly and if a Christmas song comes on the radio I make no move to change it.

I can't help but feel traitor, but this year especially there is something that is pulling me towards the Christmas music. I've always loved how upbeat, optimistic, happy, and loving Christmas music is and I love that feeling it creates when you listen to it! I love how it makes you feel like being kinder towards all your fellow man, how it makes you feel like you want to go and just give something to someone, I love how Christmas music brings out the best in you.

And who knows, maybe I just need that feeling more this year, but there has to be someway to recreate it without listening to Christmas music, I just need to find it because I refuse to become more traitor to Thanksgiving.

I guess I'll try to stay strong...but ooh how I'm waiting for November 28th!

A Bad Day with a Suprise Twist

I really didn't have a very good day. It started out with waking up early after a short, rather tossy-turny-sleepless night and trying to sleep on my fathers floor in his classroom which is NOT very comfortable. It then continued with my school behaving like a group of Nazi's, pulling students out of class left and right so I didn't actually learn anything in school today, so even going was a waste of time.

After school I was obligated to go and hang out with a group of friends at a loud plaace and go bowling. Not that I don't like bowling, I really do, but I am terrible at it. And it was just one of those days where you really don't need to be reminded that you're bad at something.

After that I went up to my work to check my next weeks schedule and ended up working for around an hour or so due to the absolutely CRAZY rush that happened--again, not generally something that really bothers me, but today it was just like the straw that broke the camels back.

No matter what really happened or what I tried to do everything seemed like a downer, nothing seemed right or fun.

And then as I was walking home from work, at around 10:30 at night I saw a little old lady trying to walk to her car with a huge bag of groceries in the Smiths parking lot. I quickly ran over to her and said, "here, let me get that for you"

She smiled a huge smile, patted me on the cheek (which normally I despise but for some reason it didn't bother me tonight) and said, "Thank you so much dearie. It gladdens my heart to know that there are still youth out there like you."

And I walked home with a slight smile on my face- the world was starting to look a little less gray.

I walked in the door, still musing about the lady when my sister said, "Bonnie I got something for you" and to my great suprise and delight she pointed to a rose surrounded by ferns and babies breath. I absolutely adore flowers and I LOVE getting them! It made me so happy!

I found myself humming a little tune (that one from Enchanted) as I put them into a vase and set them on the table--I couldn't help but admire how absolutely lovely they looked.

So, all in all it ended up being quite a nice day, and life is still just as great as it should be. :)

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a crazy funny thing-- I know I know, they all say that forgiveness is divine and I'm sure it is but that unfortunately does not make it any easier to forgive and forget.

At least for me it doesn't- I'm guessing most males just don't have that problem. Recently someone I know did something that really hurt me, and made me very angry, all in one blow and I just couldn't see myself forgiving him for a long time. I was so angry! Well, I some him a short time later and when he asked for my forgiveness he looked so sorry that I couldn't just say "no I don't forgive you" even though in my heart I hadn't. So I forgave him outloud and within two seconds everything was just fine with us again in his mind while I was still struggling with the mixed desire of wanting to cry and wanting to punch him in his face.

Even now, two days later when I have forgiven him I still haven't fogotten it- not by a long shot. I just keep thinking about it, over and over and over. I really can't seem to help myself. I mean, how do people do this? How do they just go and move on with life when something has really hurt them?

Life is funny- I'd darn well better be growing from this, because if I found out that I went through this stage of my life for nothing? I would not be a happy gal.

You know, it's just that stage where everything seems ten times worse than it really is. Everyone is ten times more the jerk, you like this guy ten times more than you've ever liked anyone else, math is ten times harder than it used to be yada yada yada. And even though I don't want to fall into this trap sometimes it's like I just can't help it. I want to be a little dramatic, but at the same time it just seems so unutterably juvenile that I gag at the thought of being just like 'all those other girls'.

I can't wait until I'm out of high school, and after that I can't wait until I'm 18....

Losing or Gaining?

Did you ever have a best friend that was truly your best friend? She did everything with you, helped you, encouraged you, laughed at you, cried with you, everything! And you did the same for her and it was wonderful!

And then she got a boyfriend, a real one. And now you're faced with a dilemma- are you losing your best friend? Or gaining a new friend?

I want to say I'm gaining a new friend- and I did! But in some reality and to some extent I definately lost a portion of my best friend. She always seems to be going, going, going now- going to work, going to school, or going to hang out with her boyfriend. And unfortunately when she's not, I invariable am. And when neither of us are her boyfriend inevitably comes with us.

We promised each other that we wouldn't grow apart, no matter where we lived, what happened in our lives, or how we grew up. We promised that we'd always stay friends-I guess we just never really figured on life changing our friendship.

We'll always be dear to each other, and I'd say we definately have a good few years left of close, close ties, but having this happen just made me wonder how long it'll be before life changes our ways and what is really going to happen.

Burn Baby Burn

So yesterday at work something tragic occured...and yes it was partly my fault. I was lighting the water heater at Jakes Over the Top and (contrary to anything Bryn said) I was even doing in the right way. I had tried to light it previously and it failed, but I hadn't given it enough time to air out so the gas was still rampant in the little room where the pilot light is. (Yes, I finally figured out why it blew up- it wasn't because it was already lit, it wasn't because I was using a napkin instead of the lighter- it was because I had tried to do it previously and hasn't given it enough time before I tried again- that's why).

So I went, tried to light it...and it exploded. Literally, flames everywhere. My hair was massacred (and unfortunately now looks quite funny) my eyelashes are half of their normal length, my eyebrows look quite...interesting and my hand is all red but thankfully not blistered, just burned. Which still hurts by the way, hurts ALOT.

I just find this blatantly unfair because, as a child, I was the only one who NEVER played with fire. I never touched the stove, never played with matches, heck I never even did the whole 'burning-the-ants-with-the-magnifying-glass' thing! I had never ever been burned before in my life and let me tell you- I don't like it. It does not feel good, it hurts, and the hurt doesn't go away.

You know, I wasn't even playing with fire technically, I was simply doing my job as a shift leader and trying to insure that we had hot water. (Which I succeeded at by the way, I definately DID light the pilot light.) And I got burned.

So how is it that I got burned? Does this seem a little unfair to anyone else? Just a little?

First Day-again

This is the third time I've actually tried to start a blog--and the first time it's actually worked. All the other times Time just ran out, or my computer went spastic. Funny how here in English 1010 it finally worked (at least it's an English class, so I don't feel too bad about doing this and not my English research).

I actually am even trying this because Jossi made it look so fun, and then my sister did and Bryn so I decided I just better get on the bandwagon. So- we'll give this a shot and just see how it goes. :)