Forgiveness is a crazy funny thing-- I know I know, they all say that forgiveness is divine and I'm sure it is but that unfortunately does not make it any easier to forgive and forget.
At least for me it doesn't- I'm guessing most males just don't have that problem. Recently someone I know did something that really hurt me, and made me very angry, all in one blow and I just couldn't see myself forgiving him for a long time. I was so angry! Well, I some him a short time later and when he asked for my forgiveness he looked so sorry that I couldn't just say "no I don't forgive you" even though in my heart I hadn't. So I forgave him outloud and within two seconds everything was just fine with us again in his mind while I was still struggling with the mixed desire of wanting to cry and wanting to punch him in his face.
Even now, two days later when I have forgiven him I still haven't fogotten it- not by a long shot. I just keep thinking about it, over and over and over. I really can't seem to help myself. I mean, how do people do this? How do they just go and move on with life when something has really hurt them?
Life is funny- I'd darn well better be growing from this, because if I found out that I went through this stage of my life for nothing? I would not be a happy gal.
You know, it's just that stage where everything seems ten times worse than it really is. Everyone is ten times more the jerk, you like this guy ten times more than you've ever liked anyone else, math is ten times harder than it used to be yada yada yada. And even though I don't want to fall into this trap sometimes it's like I just can't help it. I want to be a little dramatic, but at the same time it just seems so unutterably juvenile that I gag at the thought of being just like 'all those other girls'.
I can't wait until I'm out of high school, and after that I can't wait until I'm 18....
3 comments:
What happened Bonnie? Did this happen on your date the other night? I don't want anyone hurting my Bonnie! Do I need to get Tannon to pommel someone for you? lol ;) I hope you are ok now! Don't let anyone push you around!
Forgiveness is a hard thing to learn, do, live. It doesn't make it easier when somebody pushes (not saying he did...) for it a little sooner than you are ready. I think that is a big part of the learning curve - being able to forgive when you are ready and able. I know they say that you should just forgive when it happens and let it go but sometimes part of letting it go and truly forgiving is giving yourself time to work through your feelings. I think that's when more honest forgiveness can happen. Still hard though. Sad to read this entry and wish I could do more for you.
I don't know that my advice was all that spectacular - or that I even gave any...the point was that it seems like this had been hard for you and I just thought it might be good to think about the importance of taking things like this on your own time table.
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